we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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