Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I smell like Dick and happiness
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