Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Too much gin, very little bucket
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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