dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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