What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
