I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
