a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
