I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
