don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
