One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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