I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
