i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
