areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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