it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
