There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
