I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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