i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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