i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
