Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
