So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
