So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
