where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
