I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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