I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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