Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
