I cannot find my penis.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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