There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
