It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
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