Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
