If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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