I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
