I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He better not be in your backpack
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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