Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
