I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
