wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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