Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
