so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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