I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
