This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
