I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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