She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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