And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
