i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
