i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
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I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
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I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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