you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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