i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
