I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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