hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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