talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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