apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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