After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
