I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
No subtext here. People are naked.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
