your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
bring money and cleavage
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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