I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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