and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
