you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Less talking, more tequila
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
