Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
