this beer tastes like vomit already
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
