There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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