Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
