i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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