You made me cry and you don't even care
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
