Duck Duck Cougar?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
