I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
