it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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