Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
