Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
